CHOOSING you first

ANNI POOLE
1 hour ago
4 min read

WHAT DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU READ THIS?

Are you nodding in approval?

Shrinking away?

Groaning at the thought of yet another redesign of your life?

photo courtesy of Upsplash

STOP RIGHT HERE and breathe, it's none of the above. Choosing you first is about NOT CHOOSING all the mixed external signals you gather up from others, as you lose yourself inside their opinions and should's wading through your life .

I know this space, it was becoming so familiar that I had to really look at the pattern closely.

Taking tiny steps back from the stuck spaces in life where you really want to create a change and yet you feel held back does NOT mean analysing all the worn out pieces causing the pain.

You see, when Ant my son completed suicide everything in my world imploded and all the pieces of me and my life, friends, family, relationships, career, home EVERYTHING fractured int trillions on non recoverable pieces.

I was wiped out.

My life was wiped out.

And for the last three years I have been living life from an emptiness I had no idea was coming. I discovered that belief systems I had, opinions I held on to were not mine anymore.

I didn't fit them.

They didn't fit me either.

I was emptied out and at first this felt so alien and scary that I curled up into a ball.

On the outside everyone thought I was being brave, doing well - some said they didn't know how I coped.

All meaningful opinions.

And I felt an intuitive inner response to this. Their words did not fit, not because of who they were, but because of who I had become, emptied.

The emptied out part could be seen from so many angles. It could be lived from these angles too:

From the sheer agony of child loss

From unbearable grief

From a loss so deeply wounding

From a space of floundering, drowning, totally hope less.

But I didn't choose these and no this was not a noble space - I just did not have any capacity left to choose the intensity of the deeper agonies. So I chose empty, numb, lost. Alien. I lived on the edge of life with one foot closer to death than to life.

I had lost my son and everything else was caught in the updraft even as I am typing this I can feel my body twisting and curling down to a comma, to make the physical me non existent enough to feel one atom of being safe in this body. One atom. And living from here is not living. So I stepped back out into the world like a new born dragonfly whose wings needed to dry out before I could fly. And I learned how to be by trial and error - and one thing began to repeat itself over and over and over (it took me a while to stop trying to over ride the still small voice patiently telling me a new truth.

A way that meant choosing me first. I had never ever in my life made a decision that did not look at the comfort of another person first and foremost BEFORE any need or consideration for myself.

So what does it mean? It means I have discovered and I am beginning to live this life's experience that sees the truth and the magnificence of who I truly am.

The dream I get to create from this emptied out gift.

Not the Anni I created by pleasing, fitting in, becoming someone I thought would cause least worry to another by putting every other persons needs above my own - that Anni had been pushed and pulled until she was exhausted. She was gone.

This part of living my life is DESIGNED PURELY BY ME.

It is becoming clear

It is becoming free and easier to live

And the good news is you don't have to be so completely emptied out to discover how to DESIGN YOUR LIFE, you can do it with me on Sunday 19th July 6:30pm for two whole hours with a beautifully crated DESIGN YOUR LIFE bonus booklet to take away with you worth £44 .

And when you want to dive deeper you can JOIN MY PAGE @ Anni Poole Coaching Facebook

And you can choose the self study course The Path of Stillness The Path of Stillness Online Self Study part 1 | Anni Poole Coaching

AND the live coaching events every last Sunday in the month 6:30 - 7:30 BST advertised here @Anni Poole Coaching Facebook .

This BECOMING online course is limited to the first 50 people it is

created as a new online course for creating YOUR momentum TO CHOOSE YOU FIRST and explore why or when you feel stuck. lost, disinterested, exhausted or frozen in fear.

CHOOSING YOU FIRST means

ASKING the Big Question
Exploring what you hold on to , believe in and resist.
It explores the fire in your soul - the tiny flame that burns quietly in the background no matter what.
It means exploring the zone of possibility from A WHOLE NEW awareness.
It also means being able to take the smallest first step right NOW

During the training you will:

Learn how to choose you first EVERYTIME Shifting from stuck to motivational you.

Learn how to create from inner wisdom to be the best you.

Manage any resistance and rewrite your story outcome.

Plan the 'work' needed - trust me the effort is there but its far less effort than trying to be someone else's idea of you

Experience the sheer aliveness of it!

Manage the smallest shift right on the day we meet! Asa Seth Goden says - NO BUTS! only AND's

And voila! You are CREATING your life step by step from a guided heart led practice that shares HOW to create this intentional HUMAN LIFE DESIGN. BY CHOOSING YOU FIRST.

I hope to see you there!

Lookout for the step by step podcasts leading you toward the 19th July LIVE online course - see Events | Annipoole.com